The sitcom absurdity of the federal election battle
Kat Wong |
Bold political moves define campaigns but its the absurdities and pageantry that make them stick in Australians’ minds.
Every three years, for better or worse, the election contest forces Australia’s top politicians to dip their toes into everyday life – whether going to church, eating yum cha or visiting family homes – accompanied by a 30-strong media swarm.
This often creates the perfect set-up for sitcom-like shenanigans, and this season, it was Prime Minister Anthony Albanese who set the pace.
Within hours of calling the election, he opted to throw down the gauntlet: cuddling a infant on Opposition Leader Peter Dutton’s home turf in Brisbane.
In the early stages of the campaign, he was on a tear, averaging one baby interaction a day but an oddly arranged stage stalled his momentum.
When he tried to pose for a photo during a mining union event, Mr Albanese put his foot in the wrong place and tumbled offstage, drawing a gasp from the crowd as he reached for a nearby arm on the way down.
Though he quickly found his feet and returned to the upright position, all smiles, ‘the fall’ would cast a shadow over the rest of the campaign.
Mr Dutton also kicked off a panic early on while trying to fool around with a footy.
Sensing a potential photo opportunity, he launched the Sherrin towards the media crew, accidentally clocking Network Ten cameraman Ghaith Nadir in the head.
“Oh, got him,” Mr Dutton said, before realising his victim needed medical attention.
Phones across Australia soon lit up with news alerts about how the opposition leader had drawn blood.
He later shouted Mr Nadir a beer.
Several major world events threatened to wrench the spotlight from domestic politics, with US President Donald Trump announcing his ‘Liberation Day’ tariffs on islands inhabited by penguins and seals during week one, and Pope Francis dying on Easter Monday.
But in some cases, they just opened the door to more political tomfoolery.
After discussion reignited over whether the prime minister could get Mr Trump on the phone, he went down a rabbit hole that ended with the bizarre conclusion the leader of the free world may not own a mobile.
Shown a picture of billionaire Elon Musk – a confidante of the US president – Mr Dutton called him an “evil genius” before severely underestimating the price of eggs in rapid-fire questions.
In a contest where the main game is to show how relatable politicians are, guessing a dozen eggs costs $4.20 when they retail for $8.50 may not win voters over.
Though there are other ways to perform as the ‘everyman’.
After much was made of his dramatic weight-loss prior to the 2022 election, Mr Albanese has chosen to stay “off the grog” this campaign and instead indulged two low-sugar Bundaberg beverages, a ginger beer and a Farmers Union Iced Coffee in the proud state of South Australia.
But Mr Dutton is on no such diet, having shown off his biggest smile of the campaign while delicately plucking chocolate ducks for an assorted box before the Easter break and pouring beers for two-up players on Anzac Day.
The campaign show is a careful balancing act that requires characters to display strength while being willing to lower their defences and speak from the heart.
Mr Dutton has maintained a monopoly on traditionally masculine displays of strength, having ridden in a mine cruiser, several semis and a dump truck, and pumped petrol for 16 different vehicles across every state.
The opposition leader has tried to cast off his “hard man” image, rolling out his son Harry to tell the press about difficulties young people face in the housing market.
Questions soon arose over whether he would let his son tap into the bank of mum and dad given he had amassed a sizeable property portfolio over the decades, and he eventually admitted he would help his kids.
Mr Albanese preferred not to bring his family into discussions and showed his softer side by cooing at toddlers, high-fiving excited children or picking up dogs.
But no matter how many photo opportunities they did, neither leader could stop journalists needling them.
At one point Mr Dutton was forced to address campaign missteps almost once a week.
He back-pedalled on threats to end public servants’ work-from-home arrangements, admitted his mistake after a misunderstanding about Russian warplanes in Indonesia, clarified a decision to end electric vehicle tax breaks after mis-hearing a question and walked back threats to change the curriculum in response to the “indoctrination” of children.
The prime minister, meanwhile, denied he had fallen down and weeks later continued to insist “just one leg went down”.
Hecklers across the political spectrum have also hounded the leaders.
The prime minister was interrupted at least eight times during the campaign, while environment group Rising Tide heckled Mr Dutton twice in one day and NSW south coast unionists dressed up in hazmat suits to protest his nuclear energy policy.
Even the smallest slight blew up on the national stage.
The air-kiss of death took the spotlight when the prime minister and Environment Minister Tanya Plibersek came together for an embrace at Labor’s campaign launch before clasping each other’s hands and performing a long-distance peck.
Mr Dutton’s media bus became the subject of ridicule after it beached on a bike lane divider, requiring a team of photographers and cameramen to free the vehicle.
Towards the end of the campaign, an awkward shot of Liberal Kooyong candidate Amelia Hamer, wide-eyed and staring into the void alongside a grimacing Mr Dutton, drew comparisons to Old Testament depictions painted by Baroque artists.
And as the time ticked down to Saturday’s election, the prime minister again looked to the dogs for advice.
Suki, Snapper and Marlin, who belonged to the crew of the Robin and Kip with Corey Oates radio show, were asked to choose between two plates of treats: red for Labor, blue for the Liberals.
All three chose Labor, echoing the predictions of human pollsters.
AAP
